9/11/01

9/11/01-

I was running late for class and flew out the sorority front door only hearing the buzz of sisters watching the news. Booking it to class, cause it was actually one I wanted to go to, nothing seemed different. Almost there when I heard a familiar voice "that's my ass". Only one person in the world ever had the guts or the claim to say that. There he was, my high school sweetheart, he too was running late. I remember thinking how odd it was to see him on campus, that never happened! Call it young love or teen passion, or chemistry...I was always excited to see his face. I waited on the corner for him to catch up. His arms enveloped me as usual and a sweet kiss. I had to give him crap for taking lessons from me and running late. That's when he said it, "did you hear? Two cooks flew into twin towers". I looked at him with a blank stare, so he put it in Katy terms "the world trade center". I hadn't heard, I remember asking if everything was alright and at that point he just thought it was someone off course. We walked a bit and parted ways to make it to part of our classes.

I got to class and the teacher was still lecturing. I slipped into a seat in the back with a smile on my face, still remembering the precious few moments we had on campus. Then she stopped lecturing and explained what had happened with all 4 planes and dismissed class.

The run home was a blur...I don't remember seeing or talking to anyone. I flew through the sorority door and was smacked by the stunned silence of 50 women sitting in front of the tv mourning for all of the people already gone and those that would soon follow.

I fell to my knees and watched as a sorrow I had never known crept over me. Learning the gravity of the situation, knowing I had family in the vicinity, and the sheer magnitude of such tragedy left me speechless.

I spent most of the next 3 days watching news coverage with the sisters or at Erik's house...trying to call back east every 2 seconds. When I finally got the call that all was okay, I was in that same class that I had first learned that two cooks were actually 4 planes with a handful of terrorists that would shake our nation to the core. When my dad's name popped up, I ran out of class and then when I heard his voice, the sobbing commenced...right outside Bluemont Hall on campus.

Now I'll admit that I've always had a flare for the dramatic, but never in my life had I felt so much grief and relief in a matter of days.

In the last 11 years, I have been through a lot of life. Ups and downs and everything in between...but very few days have stuck with me in such detail as 9-11-01. Sometimes I forget to thank God for every day and every thing he has blessed me with and taken away. This day always reminds me to be grateful for the people that have helped shape me into who I am today, to learn from the circumstances that cause me to fall and to stand, and to appreciate the people here and now, today and everyday.

If you're reading this, you have touched my life forever and, present or past, I will never forget you.

Let the battle begin...

I told myself when I started this blog that I would be totally transparent and honest. This may be a little raw, but here goes...

I haven't written for a while because I have been distracted...from everything. I didn't want to hear certain things from certain people because I knew that I was flirting with fire. I was sure I could handle it this time and everything would be fine. Before long, things weren't fine. I avoided my true friends, put my marriage on the back burner, and fell deeper into my little hole. Fortunately my distraction recognized this and God stepped in to save the day.

That being said, I have been thinking a lot about when you finally let go and truly follow God...Satan really doesn't like it. I knew this in my head when we made the decision for me to leave the corporate world, then it became real. I thought it would be obvious because I was looking for him in everything, but he is so sneaky and subtle. So now I know it in my heart and will be intentional in guarding my heart.

I also want to say a huge thank you to my friends and family for praying without ceasing and for interceding on my behalf. Many of you didn't even know what you were specifically praying for, but you didn't let that stop you. Thank you for sending me scripture and encouraging words. Thank you for loving me through this mess.

Thank you to my husband for not giving up, for listening, and for loving me!!

Tummy aches suck!

Awesomely productive day yesterday. Got up early, cleaned out the garage, made some money, cleaned the kitchen...so today was the exact opposite! Woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Was hoping the kiddos at church would cheer me up, but then I got hurled on! I love those little guys, but I can truly say I panicked in that moment. I just sat there and held him as it went all down the front and back of me...I'm so out of practice!! Finally got him cleaned up, tried to clean myself up (thanks for the CTG shirt Leslie!), and back to teaching! So I came home and took a nap only to wake up with a tummy ache!! Booooo!!

I do believe we will all be in bed early tonight in the miller household! I know that God has good things in store, but days like today sure do muddy the waters! Good thing for a few minutes of clarity throughout the day!

Rough week, super end!

Whew what a week! First week on my own at both jobs, adjustments in the household, sick kids, etc etc. I was glad to finally think and write and talk. Thanks for your encouragement and jokes!

The biggest thing for me this week has been learning who I am all over again. It's difficult to change everything you've been since you started working. It's odd to feel healthy and not totally exhausted all the time. It's changing priorities and getting organized while maintaining some sense of normalcy for everyone around me. It's emotional...so grasping all of this is daunting. I've finally realized that this, like everything else, is a process. Wowza!!

So thanks God for this awesome opportunity and for carrying me through the transition!

Morning with Becks vs bra shopping!!

Becks wins hands down!! We had fun being lazy yesterday, but She was so ready to head out the door when we finally got moving!

Then I did some shopping for me. I remember when I gained all this weight and had to buy a 36C...that was the only happy part about it. Then when they found the nodules on my breast, I was so relieved it was benign. Then the doc told me my bras were too small and were contributing to some discomfort. So I got measured at a 38D and bought all new bras!! Sooo now that I've lost 18lbs I find myself in between the 2 sizes!!!!! So new bras for Katy, but only 2 because it became painfully obvious that I still have a lot of weight to lose!! I am not sure what possessed me to try on shorts, but I did...I remember when I looked cute in shorts!!! Not so much now-a-days...

I don't consider body image to be everything, but every now and then it gets to me. So here's to healthy and me getting there someday.

What to do with 2 lbs of ground beef???

So I realized last night that I really needed to use the 2 lbs of ground beef I bought on Saturday. Hmmm...checked the groceries in the house, checked the bank account, then got creative!! Dinner was a jazzed up ramen noodle dish with beef, corn, peas, and carrots...delish!! Then I made a late night snack for the hubs and me. I used the cheap cheese this time, so we'll have to see how it goes. Looks good, smells good, passed the finger test...now to have it with chips!

Lots of fun with the chillins today...they napped for 1/2 the time and then we partayed! I am amazed at the creativity of little ones! I am so thankful God gave me the opportunity to be a part of it!

Livin' it up!!

Wow! What a crazy great weekend. Got to catch up with an "old" friend, got some quality time with my mama, and made 2 great trades.

Today with Becks was awesome, she cracks me up. She is such a happy person and ornery too! I discovered her love for country music today...bringing back some memories and making new ones.

Then got to hang with the Tuesday bunch for a bit in preparation for miss Karen going back to school...I love those guys!