9/11/01

9/11/01-

I was running late for class and flew out the sorority front door only hearing the buzz of sisters watching the news. Booking it to class, cause it was actually one I wanted to go to, nothing seemed different. Almost there when I heard a familiar voice "that's my ass". Only one person in the world ever had the guts or the claim to say that. There he was, my high school sweetheart, he too was running late. I remember thinking how odd it was to see him on campus, that never happened! Call it young love or teen passion, or chemistry...I was always excited to see his face. I waited on the corner for him to catch up. His arms enveloped me as usual and a sweet kiss. I had to give him crap for taking lessons from me and running late. That's when he said it, "did you hear? Two cooks flew into twin towers". I looked at him with a blank stare, so he put it in Katy terms "the world trade center". I hadn't heard, I remember asking if everything was alright and at that point he just thought it was someone off course. We walked a bit and parted ways to make it to part of our classes.

I got to class and the teacher was still lecturing. I slipped into a seat in the back with a smile on my face, still remembering the precious few moments we had on campus. Then she stopped lecturing and explained what had happened with all 4 planes and dismissed class.

The run home was a blur...I don't remember seeing or talking to anyone. I flew through the sorority door and was smacked by the stunned silence of 50 women sitting in front of the tv mourning for all of the people already gone and those that would soon follow.

I fell to my knees and watched as a sorrow I had never known crept over me. Learning the gravity of the situation, knowing I had family in the vicinity, and the sheer magnitude of such tragedy left me speechless.

I spent most of the next 3 days watching news coverage with the sisters or at Erik's house...trying to call back east every 2 seconds. When I finally got the call that all was okay, I was in that same class that I had first learned that two cooks were actually 4 planes with a handful of terrorists that would shake our nation to the core. When my dad's name popped up, I ran out of class and then when I heard his voice, the sobbing commenced...right outside Bluemont Hall on campus.

Now I'll admit that I've always had a flare for the dramatic, but never in my life had I felt so much grief and relief in a matter of days.

In the last 11 years, I have been through a lot of life. Ups and downs and everything in between...but very few days have stuck with me in such detail as 9-11-01. Sometimes I forget to thank God for every day and every thing he has blessed me with and taken away. This day always reminds me to be grateful for the people that have helped shape me into who I am today, to learn from the circumstances that cause me to fall and to stand, and to appreciate the people here and now, today and everyday.

If you're reading this, you have touched my life forever and, present or past, I will never forget you.

Let the battle begin...

I told myself when I started this blog that I would be totally transparent and honest. This may be a little raw, but here goes...

I haven't written for a while because I have been distracted...from everything. I didn't want to hear certain things from certain people because I knew that I was flirting with fire. I was sure I could handle it this time and everything would be fine. Before long, things weren't fine. I avoided my true friends, put my marriage on the back burner, and fell deeper into my little hole. Fortunately my distraction recognized this and God stepped in to save the day.

That being said, I have been thinking a lot about when you finally let go and truly follow God...Satan really doesn't like it. I knew this in my head when we made the decision for me to leave the corporate world, then it became real. I thought it would be obvious because I was looking for him in everything, but he is so sneaky and subtle. So now I know it in my heart and will be intentional in guarding my heart.

I also want to say a huge thank you to my friends and family for praying without ceasing and for interceding on my behalf. Many of you didn't even know what you were specifically praying for, but you didn't let that stop you. Thank you for sending me scripture and encouraging words. Thank you for loving me through this mess.

Thank you to my husband for not giving up, for listening, and for loving me!!

Tummy aches suck!

Awesomely productive day yesterday. Got up early, cleaned out the garage, made some money, cleaned the kitchen...so today was the exact opposite! Woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Was hoping the kiddos at church would cheer me up, but then I got hurled on! I love those little guys, but I can truly say I panicked in that moment. I just sat there and held him as it went all down the front and back of me...I'm so out of practice!! Finally got him cleaned up, tried to clean myself up (thanks for the CTG shirt Leslie!), and back to teaching! So I came home and took a nap only to wake up with a tummy ache!! Booooo!!

I do believe we will all be in bed early tonight in the miller household! I know that God has good things in store, but days like today sure do muddy the waters! Good thing for a few minutes of clarity throughout the day!

Rough week, super end!

Whew what a week! First week on my own at both jobs, adjustments in the household, sick kids, etc etc. I was glad to finally think and write and talk. Thanks for your encouragement and jokes!

The biggest thing for me this week has been learning who I am all over again. It's difficult to change everything you've been since you started working. It's odd to feel healthy and not totally exhausted all the time. It's changing priorities and getting organized while maintaining some sense of normalcy for everyone around me. It's emotional...so grasping all of this is daunting. I've finally realized that this, like everything else, is a process. Wowza!!

So thanks God for this awesome opportunity and for carrying me through the transition!

Morning with Becks vs bra shopping!!

Becks wins hands down!! We had fun being lazy yesterday, but She was so ready to head out the door when we finally got moving!

Then I did some shopping for me. I remember when I gained all this weight and had to buy a 36C...that was the only happy part about it. Then when they found the nodules on my breast, I was so relieved it was benign. Then the doc told me my bras were too small and were contributing to some discomfort. So I got measured at a 38D and bought all new bras!! Sooo now that I've lost 18lbs I find myself in between the 2 sizes!!!!! So new bras for Katy, but only 2 because it became painfully obvious that I still have a lot of weight to lose!! I am not sure what possessed me to try on shorts, but I did...I remember when I looked cute in shorts!!! Not so much now-a-days...

I don't consider body image to be everything, but every now and then it gets to me. So here's to healthy and me getting there someday.

What to do with 2 lbs of ground beef???

So I realized last night that I really needed to use the 2 lbs of ground beef I bought on Saturday. Hmmm...checked the groceries in the house, checked the bank account, then got creative!! Dinner was a jazzed up ramen noodle dish with beef, corn, peas, and carrots...delish!! Then I made a late night snack for the hubs and me. I used the cheap cheese this time, so we'll have to see how it goes. Looks good, smells good, passed the finger test...now to have it with chips!

Lots of fun with the chillins today...they napped for 1/2 the time and then we partayed! I am amazed at the creativity of little ones! I am so thankful God gave me the opportunity to be a part of it!

Livin' it up!!

Wow! What a crazy great weekend. Got to catch up with an "old" friend, got some quality time with my mama, and made 2 great trades.

Today with Becks was awesome, she cracks me up. She is such a happy person and ornery too! I discovered her love for country music today...bringing back some memories and making new ones.

Then got to hang with the Tuesday bunch for a bit in preparation for miss Karen going back to school...I love those guys!

The brain pain...

Such a great time this morning getting to know some great ladies. Thanks for your transparency and your sincerity, I am excited to learn some more!

Had some training today for the new job and am totally feeling my age AND my shape...ROUND!! I think I am going to absolutely love working with this gal! There was so much info today, I think my head may explode...BUT I get the feeling that while I am learning her routine she'll be learning me too. As much as I will help her, she is going to help me. God has big plans and I'm glad he's made them just for me!!

Let's go for the combo!!

Wed and Thurs combined! Aren't y'all lucky?!? ;)

Wednesday was the first day back to school for Kayleigh and she seemed to have a great day. She has a lot of familiar faces in her class and really likes her teacher. I'm excited for her and all that is 2nd grade!

Last night the whole famdamily went to t-bones game. It was awesome to all be together (mom, dad, Claire, Brett, Davey, and our five)! The girls had fun on the playground and in all the bouncy stuff they had. Mamaw and Ol'pa got them pop corn and cotton candy and snow cones...oh my!! My cutie patooties were on the big screen TWICE! Had a few melt downs, but lots o' fun.

So today I had a phone interview for a position helping out a gal with cp. It went fantabulous and set up a face to face for about an hour later. We ended up talking the entire time about anything and everything and then I got to meet the gal I'd be working with. She is such a joyful person and we seemed to hit it off. This is a total God thing and He is so faithful...I start training tomorrow!! I am excited to work with and learn from her, but also scared of the unknown. The one thing I do know is that this is where I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to be doing!! I live that feeling!

This evening, we got to meet and get to know our neighbors a bit better. Totally bummed that they are only temporary, but totally stoked that they are giving it to God and following where He is leading!! Dave and Mari Imperio, they might be coming your way!!!!

Thanks Jesus for being so totally awesome and timely and faithful!!

Sleep vs rest?

I had a totally blah day today. I woke really seeking God and in prayer for some friends and family...and then I got out of bed. For those of you who do not have a monthly friend, I am in extreme dislike of you for the next 3 days. So I get the girls ready and drop them off at school. I came home with a laundry list of stuff to get done, opened the windows to air out the house, then the pitter-patter of rain on the tin roof started....so I took a nap!! While I did apply for a few jobs online, that was about all I did. Now I sill feel blah!!

Do you ever find that when you "rest" all day, you really end up feeling worse? Is it just that I can't cut myself a brake? Or are there better ways to rest? Sleep is good, but how about true rest?! I am somewhat at a loss here...I like sleep and don't have a whole lot of experience with rest. How do you rest and feel rejuvenated as opposed to resting and then needing even more "rest"?

I got a planner! I got a planner! I got a planner hey hey hey hey!!

So I got this wicked cool new planner for moms. It lays out the week with a place for lists, menus, and notes as well as the normal day stuff. All of a sudden I am painfully aware of all that needs to be done in my life! However, this planner has a delegate "button" and next to that a spot to write who it is delegated to...my goal is to start using it this week! First I am going to delegate all of my worrying to Jesus, He can totally handle that! Then I am going to delegate the finances to God, my provider and giver of all that I need. Lastly I am going to delegate my todays and tomorrows to the only one who knows what is and what will be!!

This is not to make light of delegating tasks. I know I need to get better at that...my hubs is always willing to help out and the girls are old enough to take on some small chores. This delegate button took on a much more spiritual meaning for me. Why am I trying to "carry my own weight" when God carries it for me? (it's cause I'm a control freak, I'll work on delegating that too)

So my loverlys, as you lay down and rest tonight, what is God telling you to delegate? What is it that He is begging you to hand over? What thing is weighing you down that He can totally handle??

Don't stand in the doorway!

Church was THE place to be this morning! What an awesome message and a killer challenge! It was also so affirming for us to know that we have walked through the door for our family a few weeks ago. There will be several doors to walk through in this life and I just pray that God continues to give us the strength to walk through them instead of standing in them.

Got a few things done around the house, locked ourselves out of the house, had some words, went to mom and dad's, debated whether the new Miller cans really help the flow or not, had some good eats, discovered Mags has pink eye, came home and got some more stuff done...what a day of ups and downs! I am just so thankful that all the crud we go through is nothing compared to the blessings He has in store for us!!

Fun times!

I missed last night because of too much fun! The hubs, Kayleigh, and I went garage sale-ing for 1/2 the day. Troy says "we don't have any money" and i just had to remind him that it's not about buying, it's about SHOPPING!! We got a certain amount of cash and decided that was the cap. With that, we were able to outfit all 3 girls for fall!! God provides in the seemingly most insignificant ways sometimes!!

Then we dropped the kid off with Mamaw and Ol'pa for a sleepover and Troy and I went to the derby in Overbrook. My first derby EVER...it was somewhat disappointing, but I had a good time with the hubs and we got to catch up with friends!

I love how God renews us and sometimes in the strangest ways! Thanks for always giving me exactly what I NEED, exactly when I NEED it!!

Awesomeness!

Amazing day today! Garage sale-ing with the hubs and Kayleigh! Spent about $20 and outfitted all the kiddos for the fall. Got some HWGA stuff sorted and signed up for volunteer shifts, went and hung out w/ Hannah and Liam, came home and straightened the main areas for company, had a fabulous dinner with the Griffiths, got my first post-career job (thank you Miss Karen!), took a dip in the pool, had desserts with Kristin, JC, and a new friend (Mandi)!!! Whew! Now topping it off watching some football highlights with the hubby.

Holy guacamole batman!!!

It's so easy to praise God on these awesome days! Jesus, my prayer is that I would praise you always...even on the EPIC FAIL days! Thank you for good friends, good food, and great fellowship!!

Whew!!

Kept all 3 kiddos home today just to see if I could do it...we all made it through!!! We had some rough patches, but totally doable. It's so hard to know what the right decision is. The girls love pre-school and are doing so well there, but if I am going to be home shouldn't they? Ugh...then finding a part time job that fits all of the criteria that is on my heart!! It is totally a God thing. I listened to a podcast from Pastor Rick from a couple weeks back. I was reminded that "all I can do is all I can do and all I can do is enough"!

Thank you Jesus for carrying me. Forgive me when I am foolish and try to "help". You save me everyday and I am more grateful than I know!!

"the man"

A little frustrated with the "system" today. It always seems that the vindictive and lazy slackers get everything they want or need and then the good guys are down hill catching all the crap!! Then I hear that still small voice reminding me that it's not my concern what others are or aren't doing, that I am called to love and not to judge, and that God has his own "system". Thank you for your grace Father as I stumble through this crazy life. Help me to see those around me as blessings and to live them like You love them.

More laundry and job apps today! A special thanks to Miss Karen for letting me hang with the kiddos today! I miss them! Oh and thanks to the dude on 23rd who let me out of the parking lot when he did...I'd have been there forever!

Mountains and mountains of laundry, oh my!!

First today, my heart goes out to Angie Anderson and her son Jacob as they mourn the loss of Paul. The service was so touching and I only wish I had known him better. If you need anything at all, don't hesitate to call.

Next I got to see my "mama t" and catch up for a bit! Finally got my pages for Zoen's book "turned in"!! Love you guys!!

Some Taco Bell with dad and the teenager...plus 1. Then home to get a bunch of stuff ready to go on craigslist, pick up the little girls from school, grocery store, and dinner...all the while washing, drying, and folding the mountains of laundry that had taken over the basement!! My homey is a mad man sometimes!

Best part of the day was still having time to watch the girls play outside for a bit. Though the worries come and go, nothing compares to the time together with my family!!

AND belated grats to my SEESTOR on her new job! What an exciting new adventure?!?

Rough day...

Trying day today...just feeling overwhelmingly underwhelmed!!

In today's society and economy, o never thought I would 1. Quit my steady job with a great company and 2. Turn down a job opportunity that I think I would love. I know that God has a plan and it isn't always what pops up first. I know God has set me on this path for a reason and am confidant that this opportunity was not the right one for me....it still is driving me a bit batty! Please pray for continued guidance and peace in the waiting.

In other news, I was able to make a meal for the church peeps, apply for a few more local part time jobbers, and get some stuff ready to post on craigslist!

In my weakness, God you are so strong! Thanks for putting up with me and living me!!

A Leap of Faith

So for those of you who don't know yet, Troy and I made a huge decision for our family last week. I have left my career to be closer to home. I really felt God was calling me to be more available to my husband, my children, and people in general. We took a huge leap of faith and are trusting God will work out the rest.

This past week has been the healthiest and most peaceful week I have had in a very long time. I'm not a genius by any means, but that speaks volumes to me. God has given me so many opportunities to serve just this week and I am amazed by his goodness and graciousness! I am grateful for time I've had to catch up with old friends, the relationships developing with new friends, and the ability to serve others. God is doing good things and I can't wait to see what's next!

For those praying folk, please pray for guidance and steadfastness as we follow. For those non-praying folk, wish us luck! Love you all!